proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
