he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
