I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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