I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
