we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
