my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
