You can't motorboat a personality
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
