I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude i'm inner monologue high
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
