haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
