Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
