Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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