My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
