Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
