3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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