Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
