I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
