I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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