Betty ford says i'm here all night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
