And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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