so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
