I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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