If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
