The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
