Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
