I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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