I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
