i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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