girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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