Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
