Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
