I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
