my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
