there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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