oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
