where does the pee come out of this thing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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