woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
