I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
