return my video game
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
