How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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