Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
