your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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