thus making me awesome and them whores
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
