She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
