New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
