4 words: hood of his car
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
