Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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