he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
