yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
