u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
