Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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