Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

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(913): View more from Kansas

the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

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(913): View more from Kansas

i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope

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(425): View more from Washington

Where the royal fuck are you??

(1-425): View more from Washington

The depths of vodka hell.

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(712): View more from Iowa

i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult

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(859): View more from Kentucky

In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

Oh wow. I want to be you right now.

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